Top 10 Reasons Why Conservatives Love George W. Bush
Ten Reasons Why Conservatives Love George W. Bush
A satirical and humorous look at the man conservatives dub one
of the greatest chief executives to occupy the White House
10. Great Articulation. During his press conferences I’ve yet
to hear the president mispronounce a word or desecrate the
English language. Moreover, I’ve never heard him utter
anything of a moronic nature. Well, except for the time when he
said "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your
family.” And lets not forget he also stated, “I am honored
to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut
off by Saddam Hussein.” On second thought, it’s clear that
we have to deviate from the articulate angle. What a pity!
9. He is so charismatic. Whenever I see the president, visions
of Howdy Doody spring to mind. For those 30 and under, Howdy
Doody is the puppet from a 1950s children’s TV show. And just
like Howdy, Bush too has an exaggerated smile. Another
similarity the two share is that they’re both stiff as a
board. Which explains why the president’s decision to invade
Iraq was equivalent to that of a puppet on a string.
8. His patriotism. Unlike many young men who opted not to go to
Vietnam, Bush served his country by enrolling in the National
Guard. And as soon as those military records are found, just
like the weapons of mass destruction he adamantly refers to,
everyone will appreciate this man’s love for his country. What
a man, What a man!
7. He always tells the truth. That’s right our president is so
honest you can believe everything he says and then some. And for
anyone who disagrees with him, they’re depicted as "lip
scrunching, jaw-jerking, anti-patriotic liberals.” Case in
point: If Bush says John Kerry is too progressive to be elected
president, it’s probably true. After all this is the man who
told us umpteenth times that Saddam Hussein has ties to
Al-Qaeda. And on that note I can honestly say, Dubya gives new
meaning to the phrase TALKING LOUD AND SAYING ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING.
6. His sense of humor. For instance, whenever the president
comes on my TV screen I automatically burst into laughter. Yeah,
that silly grin and lumbering walk gets me every time. Perhaps
if he stopped flashing that bogus smile the laughter would stop.
Or
perhaps not.
5. His Moral Fiber. Oh man what a saint. Besides doing a “little
drinking” in his youth, this guy is so morally pure I want to
tell the whole world. I bet you won’t catch an intern kissing
this president Besides, he’s too busy extolling his role as
the “war president.” Ah, why can’t we all be this perfect?
4. His intelligence. Honestly, have we ever had a
commander-in-chief who was so smart? Hey, can you spell
dummylicious? pronounced dum-e-lish-ous. Don’t worry he can’t
either.
3. Compassion. He has it in droves, especially when targeting
special interest groups and organizations. For example, lauding
the immorality of same sex marriage to secure his conservative
voter base. That’s right George, when your administration
fails to scare everyone with its vague terrorist threat alerts,
the next step is to play the family values card. The president
is probably thinking, if I can’t scare the American people
into re-electing me by raising the terrorist alert when it suits
me, I will remind them about those men and women who get a
thrill out of drilling each other instead of the opposite sex.
We humorists call such behavior the incorrigible jabs of a real
GIRLIE MAN.
2. Honesty: Oh how can I say it? Let me count the ways. I would
love to but time doesn’t permit me to engage in such
fantasies.
1. Major Insomnia Reliever: Within seconds after seeing or
hearing the president, I quickly fall asleep. So who needs over
the counter sleep aids when George W. Bush is available?
According to sources who requested anonymity, the president is
so boring, he would make a dead man rise from his grave.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ! And there you have it, 10 reasons why
conservatives love George W. Bush. And if you can’t figure out
the logic behind this commentary you are truly an admirer. So,
what does that say about you?
About the Author
A freelance writer since 1989, Butler has written for various
magazines and Internet publications including Impact Press,
Africana.com., TimBook Tu, and The Black World Today. Moreover,
Butler who lists collecting 60s memorabilia among her hobbies,
writes news, features, sports and entertainment articles, as
well as commentaries and humor pieces.
Currently, she is a contributor for theblackmarket.com
